Mom meeting my friends

I then found her in the office reading through everyone’s comments and Tweets on the computer, shaking her head and grinning. She wouldn’t stop saying how wonderful all of you were. How she felt like she knows everyone of you. And not just those of you she met at Main Street Cinema like Rachel, Louella, Bobby, Hastin, but those of you who shared yourselves online. So we had breakfast, while reading your accounts of this journey we all took.

After spending a couple of hours, breakfasting and going through Tweets and comments, Mom asked to see the stuff I filmed. I warned her I’m the worst interviewer in the history of amateur documentary filmmaking and my camerawork is a disaster. But she insisted I show her. Mom admitted the footage was tough to watch (she didn’t especially enjoy seeing her crazy hair on camera). But she said she loved my work. Even when I told her she didn’t have to say that, she told me over and over that she did. And if this is what I love doing then I can’t stop now. I have to keep going until I’m doing what I dream. And then we laughcried for another hour or so, pouring through even more Tweets and comments.

Later, I disappeared into the kitchen to wash the dishes. But she stopped me and said to leave them alone and relax, because she wanted to go see Grandpa’s stuff. Right then and there. I asked her if she was sure, and she grabbed the key to Grandpa’s old apartment above the garage. I followed her upstairs with my laptop and pointed out Grandpa’s filing cabinets, which included everything I had shared with all of you. I also pulled out Grandpa’s old record player that Vivian had fixed with binder clips and a rubber band and laid the 1964 World’s Fair record beside it.

Mom said she just needed some time alone. I told her I understood. But I let her know that if she had any questions, she could ask me or read the amazing conclusions you all reached on my blog. Just as I was about to leave her to it, she said she missed Grandpa. So much. And now it’s time she open up to him.

Mom’s up there right now, doing just that. I traded her a couple of grilled cheese sandwiches and lemonade to borrow my laptop back for a bit. I had to write all of you to thank you.

I’m welling up with tears just thinking about how far we’ve come together. I mean, I can barely fathom the idea that two months ago I didn’t know any of you. And now…

Let me just say that it has not always been easy growing up in such a small family. I think I’ve secretly been searching for ways to expand it. And now I have.

Andrew asked early this morning: “What’s next?” Well, Mom and I have got a lot to talk about, so there’s that. I also have finals starting tomorrow. Bleh. And lastly, I have a film to complete, right? That’s what I set out to do from the beginning, and because of you, I can do that. So, in the next week or two, I hope to show you what I’m working on. Because this is your story, just as much as it’s Mom’s, Grandpa’s, and mine.

Even though I have more to share, you all must know – right now – that you all have forever changed my life and the future of my family. You have made tomorrow great, big, beautiful, and awesome, and I love, love, love you dearly for that. You all will be in my heart always.

-Amelia

And you know what the oddest thing about this situation is? That I had no doubt in the world you all would be able to connect with her in a way I couldn’t do alone. I read your comments over and over and over and realized that all she had to do was read just one sentence of any comment, and you would change her heart. And that’s what you did. I know this because Mom and I just talked over the phone.  She’s going to go to Anaheim tonight!  She is still a bit uncertain what this is all about, but I believe she’s finally ready to listen. And you made that happen in a way that I feel only family could.

So, since you are family, I wanted to share with you. Because Mom has such a tiny window of time, she plans to head straight from her conference to Main Street Cinema in Disneyland to view “the message.” She expects to be there sometime between 9:00 and 9:30pm. She just purchased her ticket to Disneyland, but she will need a ticket from the Lily Belle to trigger “the message.” Can I count on some of you to meet her at the Main Street Cinema with one of those tickets? Maybe you even join her to help her understand the meaning of everything that has happened.

I know you will all be wonderful to Mom. She’ll be a little out of her element, and she could use all the warm welcomes from friendly optimists she can get. Together, I believe you will be able to convince her what Grandpa was up to and that it was all to build a better future.  For her.  And for all of us.

Thank you. I will never forget what you did for me and my family. Our family.

I need your help. After seeing the amazing things that all of my Twitter friends discovered today at Disneyland, I really think I need to convince Mom to go to Anaheim.  She needs to see it for herself.  I’ve tried calling, texting, and emailing her since before she left, and she hasn’t answered back. Since I’ve been unsuccessful so far, I now believe that I can’t do this alone. Can you all please tell her for me, from your heart, in your words, why everything we’ve found is important? Not just important to us. But to her. Hopefully we can get her to find time to make the trek down to Anaheim before she flies back on Saturday night. Every so often, I’ll email her the link to this post, hoping hoping hoping that she’ll open it. Fingers crossed.

You have no idea how much this will mean to me.

<3

And Mom, if you’re reading this…

There is something YOU have to know. It is important to me to learn more about Grandpa. I also want to share this discovery with you. When I try to share with you what I have learned about Grandpa, I feel sad and confused when you don’t give me the time and space to share. I hope you will hear me out, and I promise to give you the space to respond, or not if you choose. He will always be part of my life, and I thank you for respecting that. If it is important to you that I not talk about him in this way, please tell me.

But FIRST, I need one thing from you. I need you to travel down to Anaheim to go to Disneyland. My friends have uncovered something that will make everything I’ve been trying to tell you clear. So please, please, please. Trust me on this, and get back to me. And if you have any uncertainty, I ask you to read what my dear friends have to say below.

I love you.

-Amelia (with help from my friend Geren…a lot of help)

I wanted Mom to see this so she could understand that Grandpa WAS thinking of her. Maybe even had something planned for her. But this is what happened when I tried to show her:

*Sigh* But this “project” means too much to me. And promising to stay away from Grandpa’s things, and more importantly his life is just something I can’t do. Before I left, though, I did one last thing, just so Mom doesn’t forget that Grandpa loved her. That I love her. And that I’m here for her. No matter what.

Remember those empty frames that Mom had up on our living room wall? This is what they look like now:

I just hope she sees them before she leaves for her conference.  Fingers crossed.

]]> http://storyorbit.fans/a-final-attempt/feed 48 http://storyorbit.fans/telling-it-all http://storyorbit.fans/telling-it-all#comments Thu, 08 Aug 2013 02:19:02 +0000 Amelia http://storyorbit.fans/?p=722 Continue reading →]]> I asked Mom to meet me for pizza after class today, and she was happy to.  It’s a favorite place of ours. And as Megan Tweeted, no one had to do dishes! (Always a plus in my book.)

Anyway, for a while now, I’ve been agonizing over the best way to share everything with Mom. Of course when I finally sat down with her, I blurted everything out. All at once. Just bleh: Michael Lott, Wallace, Walt Disney and his Haunts, Edison Square, The Society, and how I really think they all somehow link back to Grandpa.

Mom stopped me. Leaned across the table. And she said she didn’t know how many times she had to tell me that she doesn’t know anything. Not. A. Thing. And that hearing about Grandpa honestly makes her angry now. Angry that he never talked to her about what he was up to. That he hardly talked to her at all. That everything he did was for work. And that he had the nerve to call it top secret.

I told her I believe that his work WAS top secret, but that he was thinking about her all along. And that I’m not the only one who thinks this.

She gave me a look. Asked me who else I had shared this with. So I told her about all of you, explaining that I didn’t know who to go to with the questions I had about Grandpa. I didn’t know how to make sense of it all. So, I just put it out there in the universe. And the internet universe was good to me, introducing me to good people. Really kind, generous people.

I thought she was angry before. That was nothing. And she didn’t get loud or anything. It was all in the way she said: You promised to leave Grandpa to me. That was personal.  How could you share that with other people? Then she said she couldn’t do this right now. It’s her day off and she has too many things to take care of. She doesn’t have the time.

When I got home, after work, I saw a note from her that she had taken another nurse’s shift tonight. But I haven’t given up. Just the opposite. I’m determined to see this through the end. I want her to know her father. And I still have one more thing I have to show her.

Grandpa and Mom!

Of course, I’ve happened upon came across other stuff. Tons of it. Newspapers. Science magazines. Books. Grandpa had turned his apartment into a small maze with all of it! I also found some family things, scattered throughout his place. Some birthday and Father’s Day cards that Mom had made for Grandpa. A couple of letters Grandma had sent to him. I even found one of Mom’s science reports, which she had aced. Of course. (Go, Mom!)

But this is the kind of stuff I’ve recently come across. And I’ll be honest, I was pretty sure that I’d found everything I could, regarding Grandpa’s mysterious past. Reading through recent comments, though, Derek compelled me to give one last look. This forced me to revisit things I’d already searched through. Like a random folder I had found a while back, which had slides of Mom and Grandma and Grandpa.

Another random folder. Or is it?

I had set this folder aside to focus on the more puzzling items I had discovered. But when I returned to scan those slides, I noticed a small piece of paper I had somehow missed the first time. I unfolded it and saw this:

At first glance, it’s nothing huge. I mean, I feel like we’ve seen or heard of nearly everything mentioned here – a message from the society, talk of “the City,” the “future,” “tomorrow.” And yes, that darned symbol that keeps popping up when we least expect it to.

What boggles my mind, though, is the last bullet point – Tanya, my mom’s name. With an asterisk! And why had Grandpa lumped this note in with family slides. Yes, he was messy (thanks again, Grandpa, for that lovely gene), but unlike me, there was an order to his disorder. A system to his chaos. But Grandpa wasn’t perfect. Maybe it was an accident. Could it have been?

And because these are just too cute NOT to share – here are some of my favorite pics from the slides I scanned in!

Grandma & Grandpa

Grandpa & Mom!

Mom, being adorable.

Look at that smile!

Mom!

Wallace’s latest creation!

I can already see my new friends – through whom, let’s be honest, I’m kind of living vicariously – driving along Interstate 5 to investigate these California destinations, excited about possible discoveries to be made. If I squint real hard, I can see myself there with them – with you. If I squint even harder, my eyes are practically shut and I can’t see a thing. Yeah, I sometimes do that when I’m scared. And the mere idea of leaving my tiny state gives me the willies.

But now I’m opening my eyes and peeking between my fingers. And isn’t that what life’s about? Little peeks at the great big world? For as long as I can remember, Mom taught me to focus on school, work, and home, school, work, and home. Don’t get me wrong, those are all important, but I feel like there’s an ingredient missing. I mean, she’s provided me with a perfectly healthy, nourishing chili, but sometimes you need a little extra spice.

Hmm, wonder why I have chili on the brain?

I had put off talking about Grandpa with Mom because every time I brought him up, she changed the subject. Even though I don’t remember them fighting, at least not in the classic sense, I could feel the tension between them. Okay, that tension kind of ran one way: Grandpa would talk about how excited he was about something dealing with tomorrow and the future, and Mom would roll her eyes and shake her head. Grandpa never seemed to notice. But I did.

Something about that look kept me from bringing him up with her. Deep down I just hate the idea of making anyone feel bad. Especially Mom. In any way. But I’m beginning to think that sometimes we have to hurt a little before we can feel better. Before we can heal. I hope that’s what’s happening here, and that this film will allow both of us to speak freely about Grandpa. And to open up to each other.

As for my interviewing skills, I do quite an amazing job of making the interview about me. I know that’s shocking, coming from someone writing a personal blog that says, “Hi, I’m Amelia!” But I really made a concerted effort to focus on Mom. I just got a little excited, know what I mean? Can’t wait to hear what you think.

And after discussing Grandpa with Mom the other day (or ambushing her with the video camera – whatever you want to call it), I’ve been thinking about how to continue sharing our discoveries with her. To have her maybe join this journey we’ve embarked on. But some of Grandpa’s stuff might be a bit too out there for her to jump into right away. Especially when she’s seeing all of this with fresh eyes. So I thought the World’s Fair swag might be a nice bridge to Grandpa’s mysterious past.

Really, I’ve just been wanting to talk about Grandpa with her. That’s all. I want him to be a part of our lives again and, deep down, I believe Mom does too. We miss him. I know we do. So, this is what I showed her.

But I don’t know how much longer I could have gone without sharing all of this with her. Trust me, I know how hard she works. How she deserves what little shred of peace and quiet she gets. And I want to give that to her. After chatting with many of you, I just really believe now in my heart of hearts that she needs to see what we’re all seeing. That figuring out what Grandpa was up to will somehow be helpful. In a big way.

Here’s the video – see what you think.

Of course, maybe I didn’t have to stick the camera in her face without giving a heads-up. Possibly. Perhaps. I guess.

Way to go, Amelia. And not only am I a colossal pain in the rear, but I’m a terrible interviewer to boot.

Ugh.

While I was up there, trying to neatly stack all the old magazines, books, and newspapers, I began thinking about Grandpa. And I had to stop. I just sat down on the rug by his desk. Staring up at his typewriter. Listening to the rain on the rooftop.  Wishing Grandpa was here. Wishing I had tried harder to learn more about him while he was here. Even if he did have a knack for dodging certain questions, I should have tried harder. That’s what I was thinking when I felt a warm breeze that seemed to be coming from the filing cabinets, the ones where I’ve been finding most of the stuff I’ve posted here.

As I got closer, I felt the warm air coming from the space between the filing cabinets. No, my mom did not pass her height down to me, but she did pass down her strength. So I inched one of the filing cabinets further away from the back wall and right near the vent I found this:

And not just a few, a STACK of them. So many of you have taken precious time out of your night and day to help me, not just taking it upon yourselves to figure out what Grandpa was up to, but more importantly by being an inspirational and encouraging voice to me and each other. And the moment I found those records, I knew I had to somehow show my thanks. So I’m sending them all out. (Keeping one for myself. I just need to find a record player that works. Grandpa’s is pretty busted up.)

If you’d like one, make sure to fill out your mailing address in your account profile by tomorrow at noon (EST).  I’ll pick some folks at random to send these out to.  I look forward to sending my thanks. Thank you all for being such good friends!

My hero!

The problem is she has no idea that I’ve been digging around in Grandpa’s apartment. None. And she specifically asked me to leave his stuff alone, to let her handle all of it. By herself. No matter how many times I’d say I’d love to help, Mom, I really would, any way I can, she’d insist on taking care of it. That was months ago.

Even though she doesn’t show it, I have a feeling Grandpa’s passing has affected her. It’s why I believe she has yet to visit his apartment. And I tried to wait for her. I really did. But the curiosity had been building up for as long as I can remember. Since I could first climb stairs. Sure, Grandpa would hang out at the house for dinners or let me tag along on walks. But then he’d disappear to his apartment above the garage.

Whenever I knocked on his door and peeked in, he’d say, “Can’t play now, sweetie,” his eyes blinking just above a wall of papers on his desk, while he typed away on his typewriter. His apartment was so filled with books and documents, it looked like a maze. Now I know where I get it from.

Anyway, I did exactly what Mom had asked me not to do. And now that Grandpa’s story has gotten so much bigger than I ever expected, I’m feeling like I should tell her. Especially since I want to interview her for the film. Or not. I don’t know. It can wait. Right?

P.S. Many years ago, when I asked her how she felt about filmmaking, she called it a cute little fantasy for people with money. So, yeah, there’s also that.